I am sure this does happen in many democracies, and I am sorry to all my American friends and the millions of really wonderful Americans … but really, you see such nonsense in state American legislatures. It really make jaws drop in so many parts of the world. Maybe we just get to see more of it and more people understand it because it’s in English, but still.
Monogomy
23
Sep 10
GAYS TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER
A Welsh lesbian wedding on "Little Britain"
Wedded gay and lesbian couples from Wales in the United Kingdom are far more likely to stay together than married straight couples.
While a quarter of marriages end in divorce within five years, just 3.2% of civil partnerships have been dissolved since they were introduced in December 2005. Only 47 of 1,447 civil partnerships have been dissolved (it’s not divorce in nearly equal but unequal UK)
According to one relationship counsellor interviewed by South Wales Echo newspaper, Denise Knowles, “People are entering into them because they desperately want to, not because they feel they ought to.”
Exactly.
31
Jul 10
OPEN MONOGAMY?
I don’t agree with Mary Rice Hasson’s approach to this issue. And I don’t think there’s enough research to really start putting figures on the numbers of gays and lesbians (and the figures are definitely different for each) who conduct non-monogamous long term relationships … but Hasson certainly flags an interesting issue: ‘open monogamy’.
This terms describes couples who permit sexual acts outside the relationship so long as they don’t generate emotional and lasting bonds. Formalising such agreements does appear to be more common amongst gay men compared to straight and lesbian couples, in my anecdotal experience. But is this really worse or more common than the half of opposite-sex married people who engage in affairs? That I doubt.
17
Jul 10
DOES MONOGAMY MATTER?
It’s the love that dare not speak its name in most gay marriage debates! At least not by the pro-equality side of the argument; the fact that a significant minority of gay relationships, including some marriages, operate on an ‘open’ basis. These relationships now supposedly even have a label – ‘San Francisco relationships’
One couple from that city, who have been in an open relationship for 35 years even conducted their own study of the subject.
What do you think?
Is an open relationship a legitimate redefinition of marriage?
Is it just what straight couples who have mistresses or fling do?
Does the gay community get fair or unfair judgement on this issue?
I am genuinely open to any new arguments out there. But one thing is for sure – it’s an issue that can’t be hidden. If many in the community think gay men sleep around carelessly, if they think we can’t handle marriage and its restrictions then the topic of monogamy in gay marriages will have to be confronted at some point.
1
Jul 10
THE POWER OF MARRIAGE
I’ve always admired David Brooks as a rather clever conservative – the sort who keeps an open mind and admits it when he’s got it wrong. In this New York Times piece he argues why we need to commit to fidelity more than ever, and why it makes no sense to believe that for ‘everyone but homosexuals.’
As conservatives “We shouldn’t just allow gay marriage” he says, “we should insist on it.”
4
May 10
KEEPING THE FAITH: GAYS AND MONOGAMY
One really obnoxious argument against marriage equality is that gays don’t need marriage because they aren’t monogamous. As most research shows, and anyone who’s ever met more than a handful of lesbians knows: lesbians are the most faithful of all couples. Male-female couples are in the middle (with men the most likely cheaters), and gay men are the least faithful.
What does that tell us? Being faithful is a man-problem, not a homosexual one. And across the board it’s essential to treat each couples as just that, a couple not a representative of millions of people.
Here is a great report from Australia – Not So Private Lives – about how more than 2,000 gays and lesbians, structure and define their relationships (and their preference for marriage).
14
Apr 10
INSIDE GAY MARRIAGES
Ivan Larsen and Ove Carlsen at home in Copenhagen
Starting this week I will feature essays and interviews I’ve done with married couples from every country where gay marriage is possible
For a flavour of the sorts of stories that will feature, check out this California specific project - 13 Love Stories.
