the family from Wollongong fighting to make both daughthers equal
My name is Evelyn. I live in Wollongong about 90 minutes south of Sydney. I’ve been married to Peter for 36 years and we have two daughters, Emily, 31, a lawyer and Sarah, 25, an accountant.
I grew up in England, and emigrated to Australia in 1973. I met my husband in 1968 while studying for a degree in Biological Sciences at university in the UK. I wanted to teach, so I completed a Diploma of Education in primary school teaching and taught in the north of England and in London for a year before making the move to Australia. We were among the last of those who were known as ‘ten pound Poms’, as that was the price we paid for the flight from England. We came to Australia to join my parents and sisters who had emigrated here in 1971.
Peter and I had very simple wedding with family and the few friends that we’d made in the 11 months since our arrival in Australia. In was in a church (like everyone did in those days) in Wollongong, with a Pizza Hut shaped roof and the minister was happy for me to omit the ‘obey’ in the ceremony! I travelled to the church in my sister’s orange Datsun 120Y, with a plastic hand-held fan to stop my make-up melting in the heat! The reception that followed was in my parents’ rumpus room!
Peter and I like to think of our family as a very close one….
We enjoy doing things together even though the girls now live in their own homes and lead their own lives. For example, we all went on a family skiing holiday together last year, both daughters’ partners included. The highlight of the holiday was when James, my daughter Sarah’s boyfriend of five years, proposed to her on a deserted ski slope in Colorado. He had carried the engagement ring in his ski jacket pocket for eight days, each day hoping for an opportune moment away from the rest of the group. That moment finally came on the ninth and last day of the trip, when he took off his skis, knelt in the snow and asked Sarah to marry him.
Sarah and James were married this year on a warm day in August. It was a really happy day with friends and family. It was wonderful to see them making a public statement of their love and commitment. My oldest daughter Emily was a bridesmaid, and gave a speech at the reception. Her partner, also of five years, Somali, read a beautiful Indian love poem as part of the ceremony.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
When Emily came out to her father and me about nine years ago, one of my first thoughts was that marriage and children would no longer be part of her future. I think most parents go through that, and it was distressing at the time, but I no longer feel that way. I see no obstacles in the way of her having children. De facto relationships are more common today, and marriage is no longer seen by many as a pre-requisite to becoming a parent. Even my mother, now 84, on hearing from me that Emily had come out, said, “that’s all right, dear, lots of my friends are lesbians!’ In fact, I have six sisters, who all love Emily and Somali, and have had no problems whatsoever in accepting their relationship. Somali is seen as part of our family. My niece and her male de facto partner feel so strongly about the marriage equality issue that they will not get married until the law is changed to allow same-sex couples to marry!
But that doesn’t mean I have given up the idea that one day she could marry. There is no pressure from us for her to go down that path, but I would be elated if at last she would have the right under Australian law to demonstrate, by way of a marriage ceremony, her love and commitment to her wonderful partner. The fact that Australian law, in the form of the Marriage Act, discriminates against one of my daughters, is clearly a human rights issue, and it makes me very angry! It is ridiculous that my daughter is treated as a second-class citizen by the Australian government.
What am I doing to make a change happen in the law? I often post items concerning same-sex marriage on my preferred social networking site, and (when the opportunity arises) talk about it with friends and work colleagues. Some people are often harder to convince, as their religious beliefs can be a stumbling block in the way of looking at the human rights and equality aspects of the issue.
But I try to remember the anthropologist, Margaret Mead, who famously said: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.” In this case I think the government needs to see that it is not only a small group of same-sex couples pushing for a change in the law, but also their friends, families, and other fair-minded citizens. This amounts to millions of Australians and they should not be ignored simply because there are others with a different outlook on marriage. My daughter’s right to marry would not impact on their situation or on their rights.
If I met Julia Gillard today, I would tell her that I will not consider Australia to be a true democracy until the Marriage Act is changed to give equality to gay couples.
If we all did a little bit, if we all spoke up and told our personal stories to friends, family and work colleagues, then change would happen faster. So much has changed for the better for the gay community during Emily’s lifetime, but marriage equality is the one vital change that would give Emily the same rights as her sister!
Tags: gay marriage australia, Julia Gillard gay marriage, marriage equality, Ryan Heath, same sex marriage, Wollongong gay
Thank you for sharing your story. Julia Gillard has stated that her party policy and personal view is that marriage is between a man and a woman. I will NEVER EVER vote for any party that will deny marriage to homosexual couples.
Great article Evelyn! I’m totally there with you and your niece. I know that my mother would love another wedding in the family, but until the Marriage Act is amended, Michael and I (and mum) are going to have to wait. Australians of the future will look back at our current laws and be totally ashamed.
Thanks Sharmilla – I hope you don’t have to wait too long!
I would love to see Michael and Sharmilla get married but I fully support their view that all australians should have the right to marry if they wish. I hope that your daughter is soon able to make this choice for herself.