Today we’re publishing a story by the playwright and author Cheril N. Clarke
I met Monica by chance in autumn 2003. I was doing a poetry reading in New York City, and after the reading I went around to gather e-mail addresses for my mailing list. After Monica wrote down her details, I added a star – because she was attractive and I really wanted remember who she was. Monica noticed the star, and several emails later she had snagged dinner and a future wife.
I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Monica after the first six months of dating. That is when I found myself in the Diamond District in mid-town Manhattan looking for rings and picking one out.
To be sure I wasn’t rushing through with the idea, however, I waited another year before popping the question.
The thing I remember best was the night we got engaged. It was May 14, 2005 at Stonewall Restaurant in the Village, NYC. To Monica, it was just another get together with friends, but I’d been planning this night for weeks. Our friends Nando, Joe, Byron and Scotch were part of the perfect plan. Or so I thought. I had all of this romantic, poetic stuff to say and forgot every single word when it was ‘time.’
But I was organised! I had a greeting card with personal “welcome to the family” messages from my siblings as well as a cake from Monica’s favourite hard-to-get-to-on-public-transportation-bakery and, of course, the ring.
Most importantly Monica was surprised. She says that she never thought I would propose in that way, on that night. But I think that mostly she did not believe I’d actually called her step-father and ask for her hand. But I was in love – am in love – and I did.
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- Date: January 15, 2007
- Time: 03:00 PM
- Location: Oheka Castle
- Address: 135 West Gate Drive
- Huntington, NY United States
- Attire: black tie optional
These details are engraved in my mind. We had spent more than a year planning, and arranging for this day. In my diary I wrote: “I’m happy, I’m nervous, and I’m stressed. I’m happy it’s here and that I will make public what I feel in my heart for my love. I’m nervous about wearing that dress …”
Yep, you read right, I was in a dress! I broke a 15 year streak of not wearing one for that day…but I changed into pants after! The guests thought my tears were because of the emotion, but half of it was being in that dress.
I’m kidding of course. Now I truly understand the saying, “it was the best day of my life.” All of the stress that was building up during the weeks prior to the wedding was absolutely worth it.
As a writer I am often in contact with my fans, and one of the top questions that keeps coming my way after the ceremony is, “What made you choose a castle and how did you find it?” The answer to that is that Monica’s dream wedding was one in a castle, one with a Victorian and regal feel to it that would make her feel like a princess in a fairytale.
All I knew was that I wanted to get married. I had no vision of where and how, but she knew every detail of what she wanted. When she expressed her desire my first thought was, ‘A castle? Are you kidding me? We’re going to have to go to England for that, girl!’ But we didn’t. Once I started researching I found that there are a number of castles here in the United States. Luckily we live near them.
So, from New York to Maryland we travelled to explore the ones Monica liked most. Oheka, which is only 50 kilometres from Manhattan was the closest, the best and the one we saw first (see picture). Oheka is incredible. It is near a place called Plainview, but you could be looking at the Versailles Gardens from that balcony. Soon her dream wedding became mine.
Oheka Castle
Once I saw the possibilities of what we could do with the right amount of patience and planning I started to get excited right along with her. My eyes had been opened to more than I thought was available. We signed the contract for the castle a year and a half before the big day. (There was a long wait to get in this place, but it had to be there. And you get the whole estate for your wedding, so it is worth the wait.)
Even after all that planning, there are still so many little things out of your control. I have to say the service at Oheka Castle was the best ever. Everyone was so helpful, the valet, the doorman, our attendants, the waiters, etc. Only in movies had I seen places where the walls were lined with satin. Everything was beautiful.
The day started at 9am with make up or hair for just about everyone. By 11.30 I was already testing my veil (yes, I even went that far), and we were allowed to see each other beforehand, so you could say the moment lasted a long time. We have the most wonderful photo on the castle’s stunning curved marble staircase.
The other top question seems to be, ‘what on earth made you decide to wear a dress?’ I did it for Monica, folks. She really, really, REALLY wanted to see me in one. Of course I dreaded wearing it but I stopped being stubborn and decided to do it because it would make her very happy.
At 3pm it was Showtime, as Monica’s stepfather escorted her down the aisle, and my brother, me, we exchanged our vows and rings. Very quickly it seemed we were in the middle of cocktail hour, and I was changed into a white pant suit and ready to enjoy the reception.
We got married in New York, but did the legal paperwork in New Jersey, which is where we live and civil unions are legal (coincidentally, they became legal one month after our wedding), prior to that we had a domestic partnership..
As I write this, tomorrow is my two-year wedding anniversary. I’ve been floating all week, smiling and grinning. To be honest, it feels as though Monica and I are still honeymooning! I am more in love with her now than on the day I married her, and look forward to many, many more years of happiness. She is my best friend.
As I sit here and reflect, I must state how grateful I am to have such a loving and supportive family. I feel fortunate to have my family because I know others are not so lucky. My mother, brother, sisters and extended family who support me mean more than they know. So thanks, guys. I love you. And special word has to go to my big brother, Ron, whose heartfelt wedding toast had me crying. I hadn’t really cried the entire day until I heard his speech.
Ron spoke about how he first had mixed feelings about our wedding, and how he thought at first that he would not come. But he realised that our day was not about political fights but about supporting his sister, his family. He explained the conversation he had with his wife about his reservations, and how she told him: ‘I want to see you tell Cheril to her face you’re not coming’- you should have heard the audience start laughing at that idea. He knew he had to be there – I’m a tough little sister. I love you, Big Bro.
For those with reservations, all I can see is that they are a great misunderstanding. The institution of marriage does not need protection from people like me and Monica. I can see no way that my marriage has negatively affected that of any heterosexual marriage. My union with my wife is not a contagious disease.
So every time I have to fill out a form that nullifies my relationship by way of not being inclusive, it makes disappointment stir deep in my soul and dampens my spirit. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an aunt, a friend, a granddaughter, a daughter-in-law and sister-in-law. I am an employee and a co-worker; I am the woman sitting next to you on the train, the plane and on cruise ships. I am the smiling stranger who makes your day. I am a giver of time, energy and money to charity. I am a patient, a customer, a contributor to society. I am an employer. I am an author, playwright and producer. I am a homeowner, campaign contributor and I am a tax payer. I am all that and more. The point is that I am valuable and worthy of respect, dignity and equality. I exist alongside my LGBT community. We have always existed.
I am your neighbour. Please don’t turn the other way when I ask for help. Please do not support discrimination. You wouldn’t want me to if it were you in this situation. I would help you. And most importantly, I mean you no harm.
Tags: Cheril N. Clarke, lesbian author, lesbian wedding, married lesbians
